Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Revenge of the "Poop Shelf"

So I have officially changed my stance on the poop shelf.

Those of you who have been following my blog from the early entries will recall my vivid descriptions of the German poop shelf we have on our very traditional German toilet. This is a lovely little shelf that allows you to see and smell your bowel movement before flushing it down the toilet.

For those of you unfamiliar with said shelf- here are a few links to older posts, complete with descriptions, pictures, diagrams, and even reasons for poop shelf existence.



This shelf up until now, I have thoroughly enjoyed, in fact, gotten a little kick out of having. Gerard, you will also recall has disliked the shelf from day one. He hates the associated stench as the excretion doesn't actually hit water until you flush it. I have always been rather amused by Gerard's distaste for the shelf. As I found the entire transition to Germany quite difficult, perhaps it gave me a little bit of pleasure to see him struggle with this one thing. Perhaps Gerard's disdain for the shelf even made my affection for it all the stronger. Yes, you don't need to remind me. I know I'm strange.

My affection for the poop shelf has now waned. Why, you ask?


Willem is fifteen months old now and walking quite well. He's an unstoppable force, I tell ya, and he's quick to find trouble. He is also fascinated (just as his own mother) with toilets. Recently, I was sitting on the toilet reading a book while doing my business, and he was happily playing with some toys on the bathroom floor.

Now, you may be asking yourself at this point WHY? Does Stephanie normally bring her child into the bathroom with her? Does she spend hours on the toilet? Even if you weren't asking these questions and could care less, you will get the answers. Normally, I'm in and out of the bathroom rather quickly, but since Gerard seems to enjoy his bathroom time with a book, I thought I'd give it a try to see what I was missing. Now, I also have a toddler who is in the midst of separation anxiety. Some of you know what this is like. So, I left Willem contentedly playing in his room, while still leaving the bathroom door ajar in case he needed me. In no time he had moved a few toys into the bathroom so that he could be "closer" to mom.

A few moments into playing and just as I was getting engrossed in my book, Willem looked up at me and saw me there, slightly preoccupied. Obviously, he decided now was the perfect opportunity to get into some mischief. He quietly got up and started toward me. Before I knew it, he was right next to me, staring into the rest of the toilet bowl behind me. I immediately put my book down and tried to grab his hands, but have I mentioned that boy is quick? Before I could grab his hands, he had plunged them into the toilet... right onto the shelf and into its associated contents. Oy vey! Now I had Willem's messy hands to deal with, as well. I'm desperately trying to clean myself up and keep Willem from touching anything or putting his hands in his mouth. I thoroughly clean his hands, cursing the poop shelf the entire time. Had my little present in the toilet been a few inches lower and even covered in water, Willem would not have been able to explore it so freely.

So yes, my once friend is now the dreaded enemy. I have changed my stance. I now truly HATE the poop shelf.


At January 27, 2009 at 1:19 PM , Blogger Gerard said...

I knew you would see the light :)

At January 27, 2009 at 2:32 PM , Blogger A-M Family said...

If it is any consolation, our German toilets are the modern, non-poop shelf kind.
We have issues none-the-less.
A certain young gentleman, whom shall remain nameless, has decided toilet brushes make great fishing rods. He has, on more than once occasion, fished out the poop with the help of the brush and then stored it (god knows what for) in the brush holder, out of sight, but let me tell you, a few hours or days later, it is certainly not out of mind!!!

At January 27, 2009 at 3:31 PM , Blogger Sarah K said...

You always seem to have the best/worse poop stories! Hilarious, Steph.

At January 27, 2009 at 10:23 PM , Blogger Gerb said...

I love it, Steph! Posts about poop and toilets? That's right up my alley!

At January 29, 2009 at 8:47 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...


Though I should talk as I have had my boy puke down my back on two occasions and once into my cupped hand (to save the carpet) and thought nothing of it.

At February 5, 2009 at 8:26 AM , Blogger Stephanie Ozenne said...

Oh my.

I haven't gone to the bathroom alone in, well, forever. I usually start out alone, but my boys have mom-radar that goes off if I'm more than 10 feet away. Makes the basement play-room not quite as useful as you think...

At February 12, 2009 at 8:54 PM , Blogger Adrienne said...


I'm totally dying of laughter.

Your blog never ceases to amuse me.

At April 1, 2009 at 7:44 PM , Blogger G-Dawg said...

omg this is way too funny!! LOL!!


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